The 4th Of July Parade

Well This past 4th of July was sure a fiery one!!! When half the state on fire along with several neighboring states the debate to do fire works was on....We chose to save the money and go to a local display. But before the evening events... Jarren was in the Parade with his karate class. Jacob was suppose to be in as well but decided he wanted to watch rather then be in the parade.

The back side of Jacob in blue, Joseph in red, and my niece Sophia in her cute skirt waiting to see Jarren.

 Jarren waiving to us with some of his class.

 Jarren stopping to demonstrate his nun chuck moves he has learned.

Trailing the karate class is my dad in his car with a few of the younger members learning the karate art.

4th Grade Project

This past school year Jarren's 4th grade class worked on a large report that consisted of written, oral, poster board, and side project. After the grade was given they did a program and display for all the parents to come and see. Each person in class was assigned a county in the state of UT. Jarren was given Millard County.

 This project was not my favorite to say the least, but in the end I learned a lot along with Jarren and enjoyed the things that I did learn. Since his county was within a 2 hour drive we did take a day trip to check out some of the sites and gather pictures for his report and side projects.

The most well know city in Millard County is Fillmore and there we learned that it was the capital of UT before Salt Lake City was. We were able to get several photos to us for his poster board and a scrapbook for his extra project.

Jarren's cover to his scrapbook he made with a little help from mommy. Jarren did a great job!!! John and I are very proud of him and his excitement to learn.

 Jarren with  his 4th grade class for their county program. I wish I was closer to have gotten a much better pictures. Jarren as you can see is in the front wearing bright green. At lease he was easy to pick out.

 Jarren waiting for his Que in the program. Can't believe he will be in 5th grade this fall.

After the program we went back to his class room to see all the posters and projects his class did on their county. Of course Joseph needed to be in the picture with is brother.

28 Weeks aka 7 Months!!!

Wow!! This month is going by fast!! Thankfully :) 28 weeks/ 7 months so far things are going well nothing different then my last four children. Which makes me happy and nervous all at the same time.

At my last appointment this past Tuesday June 19th baby's heartbeat was 150, I am measuring on target and my glucose test came back normal which is nice. I am a little low in my iron which could explain my extra fatigue and sleepiness. My weight gain so far is only 6 pounds which makes me very happy. I will see the doctor in two weeks then after that weekly again with non stress tests and growth measurements to prepare to deliver early between 37-38 weeks.

Overall I am doing well. Emotionally I am ready for my little white padded cell to contain my anxiety that has increased since reaching the 3rd trimester. I am sorry to those who have been victims of my unintentional rudeness when asked how I am doing or if everything is ok this time and got a response of  " Well nothing was wrong last time". We really do not know why Jocelyn passed her whole pregnancy was normal like the boys and her little sister that we so wanting to get here. We only know that she was below birth weight when she was born at 40 weeks and there are still no answers as to why. Thank You to all of you for your continued love and support it is felt everyday and Thank you mostly for putting up with me. We Love you all so much and are glad you are part of our lives.

Pictures Taken October 2011

So almost a year ago I took and had the boys pictures done by me friend Tammy Hicks who owns Captured Photography, but got very buys and forgetful. So today I finally called her to get them just in time to book another photo session in a few months. Yay! Me right? ;).  So I have updated their photo in the right hand side bar but here some other favorites. Thanks Tammy!!!!

Yes Jacob has one blue and one green eye and by the time we got to do a group photo he was more then done taking pictures since it really is not is favorite thing to do. But I love how they all turned out. My only regret is not getting them sooner.

Joseph Graduates From Preschool

It is crazy how time flies!!! It was just yesterday that Joseph was born and I held him for the 1st time and now he is 5 1/2 and getting ready to move on to Kindergarten this fall. He is with out a doubt very unique and loving. Never shy and always willing to tell you like it is.

So on June1st he had his preschool graduation from Crayon Clubhouse preschool where he attended for two years. I love his teacher Miss Janet who has more patients then anyone I know. I will miss her and hope that she is still teaching down the road.

Our little Preschool Graduate. All cheese in that cute face of his

  

One last picture of his preschool class with his teach Miss Janet

Walking into his graduation with a cute wave to mom and dad!!

 So Proud!! Has he is now officially a kindergartner.

With Daddy and I

And a little video of him speaking about some of the things he learned this past year in preschool.

Such Powerful & Comforting Words

The Principle of Compensation

Photograph of Elder Wirthlin © 2004 IRI

“The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (1917–2008), “Come What May, and Love It,” Ensign, Nov. 2008,

I read this today in the June Ensign and these words hit home and are what I really needed to hear today. So I felt I was not the only that may need to here them. I know many others that suffer with losses of many kinds. May you find peace in these words the way I have today.

24 Weeks 4 days AKA 6 Months and More

My belly at 24 weeks

 Wow!!! Some days it seem like things are going so fast and others very very slow. But overall everything is moving a long great at this point, which is calming but for me I am never fully calm since my past four pregnancy were fabulous at this point at well and with our fourth that changed in a blink of an eye in very end. But I am taking what I get and loving the miracle and time I get with this new little one. I hope and can't wait to be holding her in my arms crying and screaming. Oh a beautiful sound that will be.....

So as you all you know my regular OB sent me to see a high risk doc at Intermountain  Medical Center (IMC) a partner hospital in the Intermountain Health Care (IHC) System in the State of UT which does have a monopoly on most things around here. We are also very blessed to live in the Salt Lake Valley were we do have a plethora of choice in health care and hospitals as well. In the past I have delivered all our children except Jarren at Alta View Hospital a smaller hospital that is part of IHC. So our plan with this new little one, was at the half way point I would be released back to my regular OB to deliver with him.....But how ever things can't always go the way we want them. Our new Insurance goes into affect in July which does not use IHC hospitals as a provider hospital. So with that I will not be able to go back and deliver with my regular OB. So we will be staying with the high risk doctor and deliver with him at the University Hospital aka the U. I am very bummed that I will not get to have my original plan and honestly I am little nervous, since I do not know anything about the U. I have herd great things about them and they are right next to Primary Children's Hospital so I know that if anything were to happen I am in awesome care for this new little.

So today was my first appointment up at the U with the same doctor I have been seeing. We were able to do another full ultra sound and baby girl is measuring on target for due date and very active. They were still unable to get all the things they wanted to see because she would not fully stretch out for them. She was enjoying her play time with her toes. Then on to see the doctor all in the same location, which I love that they do things that way here. Anyway the doc thinks I am doing great and has said we can discontinue the daily heparin shots I mentioned a few posts back. YAY!!! no more shots!! My weight gain at this point is only 3 pounds. Yay me!!!  I will continue to see the doctor now every two weeks before going back to the weekly appointments some time about 30 weeks when we will start the Non-Stress tests.  We are also planning on delivering early some where between the 37th and 38th week. The only thing I am not looking forward to is the much longer drive to the U from our home. But we do live in a large area with a trax transit system with a station less then 10 min from our home with a straight ride to the hospital. That should save some money on gas even though it will take an extra 15min to get there.

 I nice view of her butt and legs.

 My favorite there goes those fingers in the bottom to grab those toes again. They tried to capture one of her holding her toes but she would let go for sec then grab them again.

Good nice side profile of her cute little face. This one brings tears to my eyes that I am really having another baby. I wish it were August already....

then a cute set of feet hanging out.

I want all our loved ones, family and friends to know how much we love you and are so grateful to have you in our lives. Thank you for your continue support through this journey with us. Your love and prayers are felt more then you know.. Thank You Thank You.

Oh, ok now for something funny and embarrassing that I can laugh at now but was not funny at the time.... Back when this all started and I had that first appointment at about 6-7 weeks. I was so nervous not knowing where I was going or unsure how the office operated. I was so used to my regular OB's office I did not know what to expect at this new office. So upon checking in I was asked to give the standard urine sample. While in the bathroom I had written my name on the cup to learn after I had filled the cup that they also wanted my birth date. So I add that to the cup very carefully. But while juggling the cup to put the pen back I dropped the cup with my sample in it all over me and the floor!!! I was mortified and just wanted to go home at this point and take another shower. But I also knew I could not leave the bathroom until I left a sample. So I did the best I could to clean up and try to get a few more drops out. hahahaha. I was crying by this point though. The nurse was very kind and comforting after I was done and told her what had happened. She said I was not the only that has happened to. I told her I promised I am not always crazy. Oh the things I will will get to tell this new little one when she gets here.

If It Is Not One Thing, It's Another...

 I did not want to be right....

For those who have known  me for a very long time. Know that when I was in 6th & 7th grade I was diagnosed with Scoliosis, which is a curvature of the spine. My spine was shaped like an S. I wore this horrible brace for two years, followed by surgery at the age of 13. Where they put metal rods in my back. Before my surgery my top curve was 70% curve and my bottom curve was 50%. After the surgery I was and currently at 20% and 15% curvature. Everything turned out fine and wonderful, yes the bars make it so I can not have an epidural, but that is ok.....

So moving forward.... I have noticed for a while that our youngest son Joseph seemed to be off or uneven in his rib cage so my first thought is could he have what I have. Since that is what happens when the spine is not straight, it affects everything else. This past week Joseph had his well check for Kindergarten this fall. I asked the doctor to check him scoliosis. Which is not common for someone his age to even show signs or start to present an issue. The doctor agreed that his rib cage was not symmetrical and ordered an x-ray.

The doctor's office called this morning to confirm that Joseph in deed does have scoliosis with a 18% curvature to the right with compensation to the left. I was then given a number for the Orthopedics Dept at primary Children's. I just cried because I know what I went through and did not want our children to have to go through it as well. And to have 18% at the age of 5 concerns me heavily. At this point he is fine and will mostly be watched for things to worsen. So hopefully things will stay the way they are.One concern I have is how much of it affects his asthma on the one side where the lungs are being affected by his rib cage closing in. I know that my curve affected mine lungs.

On a positive note I am soooo grateful that we live in a place that is rated top in Orthopedic care and to have access to one of the top pediatric hospitals in the country. I also hope that technology has come a long way since my journey with this that it will be smooth for him if things progress. Besides we have been through worse and have been made stronger to take on this new challenge. Just the int ital information through me for a loop. Joseph is a happy normal 5 year old and this will not keep him from doing anything he wants. I love him so much and can't believe he is starting Kindergarten this fall. Times does go by fast.

Another Girl And More....

 

It sure has thrown us for a loop that we are having another girl, well maybe just me. I thought and for sure felt that we were having another boy. I never thought we would have another girl. John and had talked about when we were expecting Jocelyn about how cool it would be to have another girl to play with big sister. We love watching our boys play and be friends. So now that I am getting what I wanted in around about way my thoughts are all over the place......

Before learning that baby #5 was a girl I was asked by many  what I wanted this baby to be and my stance has always been what ever the Lord wants to send us. I have always felt this way even when we had our boys. I guess I feel that since I have way too many close friends and family with fertility issues and the heart ache I have seen them go through. I needed to be grateful that I was able to convince easily and that my pregnancies are smooth. So with that as a blessing how could I be selfish in saying what I wanted the sex of the baby to be. I just want my children to be healthy.  So that is all I prayed for and continue to pray for.....

....Yes things are very different this time and my thoughts and emotions of boy or girl have been heavy. I still was ok either way, but I did feel that if this baby was a boy that I had a better chance of everything turning out perfect. Some where in my brain I have felt as though my body had a gender preference. Yes, I know this is not true, but after having three boys and then to go to my due date and not get to bring my little girl home makes one feel this way. I also felt that having a boy would confirm to others that Jocelyn and this baby are two separate people, but having another boy I also felt that would mean that Jocelyn was my only chance for a girl.

Now that we know we are having a girl. Settling into that fact, my thoughts are grateful that we are blessed with another chance to raise a girl in this life. I do worry about making it to the end safely and if my body will allow me to keep her. I also don't want people think that she is replacing Jocelyn or that they are the same or thinking that having another girl or baby for that matter makes everything all better. I feel a different spirit growing within and still feel Jocelyn near holding my hand. I miss her more then ever while feeling hope and added healing through all this as well. But nothing will ever replace Jocelyn either.

As each day passes in this pregnancy feeling baby move and growing my anxiety grows as well. I am physically well with all your normal pregnancy discomforts, but emotionally I want to be at the end of it and to be holding my baby in my arms and well. At times it feels like I am looking through a mirror with this baby. I feel all the excitement of this new life but yet reliving my time with Jocelyn. No matter how much I fight it, I can't it is there. I think of the things I will get to do with this baby and know they are the things I never go to have with big sister. At times I feel I am living a double life or a strange mirror image. All this makes it hard to even think I could actually bring home a little girl and be dressing her in pinks and purples. Just being pregnant again so not what I thought. I knew it would be hard but still looked at it different. I work hard every day to stay positive and to enjoy it. Yes I do find joy in this pregnancy how could I not. I don't want to take any of  it for granted. But it takes work to stay in the happy place all the time.

I love watching the boys grow with excitement and yet they hold the same concerns. They are so comforting through the addition of this new little one. My fears of losing another child are not about if I could handle it again, but I could not watch my boys go through it again. The pain they felt losing their sister was far more painful to watch then my own pain. But even with all their concerns they do hold such great hope for a happy ending......

....One thing that is awkward for me is the questions that come from strangers when they ask when I am due and what number this one is. I do answer honestly and most of the time the conversation is over. But it is hard to be that truly giddy person. Even with people I know who ask how I am and when I respond well they have this relived look as though everything is ok. But everything was ok with Jocelyn too, so for me there will be no relief until I am holding this little one.

The other day when dropping Joseph off at preschool one the other mom's who is due with her 3rd in a few weeks asked how far a long I was and when I said at the time almost 23 weeks she replied "Oh good you are past the scary part of being pregnant". I was taken back a little, at no fault of hers she does not know. But it was that reality of yes I do live in another world and oh I wish I could live in her world again. I pray that all goes well for her to stay in that world. I am learning to accept this new world still and find joy and new understanding in it all while learning and feeling the hope that grows with in my belly now. We are truly gifts of God and he has in trusted me with another of his sweet spirits. What comfort and honor to be given that trust.