32 weeks aka 8 Months

32 weeks and count down is on!!!

Physically I am doing great with of course all the normal pregnancy discomforts and uncomfortableness. Emotionally I am a complete nut case and feel drained all the time and really just want to be at the end to hold and love this new little one. The boys are getting more excited everyday and ask all the time how much longer and if everything will be ok.

This week I started my twice weekly Fetal Testing of non stress test and amniotic fluid assessment. These tests are harmless and tell the doctor how the baby is growing along with the placenta giving what it should. My fetal testing was yesterday followed by my doctor appointment. I have to say since this testing is new to me I was not sure what to expect. The only thing I knew was that they can be long if baby does not do what they need her to do.

Once I was there and learned the details of the test and what they an tell us I actually felt emotional for the fact they stirred up my thoughts and emotions that I have dealt with in the past regarding Jocelyn and all my whys and whats. I guess not fully knowing what happened and only taking guesses at possibilities it will always be something that will come back and hit me hard. So needless to say later in the day after my appointment I had to take a moment and let the tears fall. I miss her so much and wish she was here physically to be a big sister to her little sister. I just want her little sister to be safe and be here in our arms.....

After the testing was done I met with my doctor: The results of the test were normal. Baby is moving well, strong heartbeat, and fluids are looking great. I lost a couple of pounds so that puts my total weight gain at
7 pounds for this pregnancy. In talking with my doctor we still have not set a delivery date because he feels that if my tests come back normal and show now signs of concern, he may let me go to the full end or as close as possible to guarantee we leave with our baby. I will be honest I have had mixed emotions of delivering early. There is part me that wants to delivery early just to know we have her, but just because 37 weeks is consider term does not mean her lungs are ready. So there is that part of me that wants to leave her in tell she is ready. I would feel ok to deliver a little early some where between 38-39 weeks. It will all depend on what my doctor feels. I have had several blessings through out this pregnancy and they all have stated I need to listen to my doctor and that is what I am doing. I trust him and what he is doing. I know that he and his staff are and have been doing everything medically to be sure we do not repeat the past. Not fully knowing what really happened and why. So at this point the life this little one is in the Lords hands and what he has in store for her. So we continue to take one day at a time and keep faith that this little one will get to live here on earth with us.

Again I can not thank everyone enough for all their continued love and support on this new journey of pregnancy after loss. It is truly felt in our home and hearts. We pray that you all will blessed in your trials and hardships as well.