Jacob Graduates From Preshcool

WOW!!! I can not believe that Jacob is graduating from preschool!!! Where did these past two years go!? Jacob has grown so much and is now ready for Kindergarten in the fall. He knows how to right his name, knows all the letters and more then half their sounds. He has enjoyed going to preschool with Miss Janet at the Crayon Club house. She bought them all these cute little graduation gowns and caps. We were able to keep his tassel and sash. Graduation from preschool was held at our city building on May 21st, 2010 where they performed a few songs they learned through out the year followed by refreshments. I am so proud of him and all he has done this past year. He also has become a grate help at home.

CONGRATULATIONS JACOB!!!

Here come the graduates!!! Jacob there in front.
Jacob performing their 1st song.
Jacob telling everyone what he learned this past year. He said "I learned about space and bugs". at least you know what part was his favorite.
Jacob getting his preschool certificate from Miss Janet.
There is our future Kindergartner Jacob!!!

Jarren Gets Baptized

Now that Jarren has turned 8 years old he is now old enough to be baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This was a very special day for both Jarren and John. John getting to baptize Jarren is something I have been looking forward to for a long time. It was a wonderful and sacred moment for our family. We joined it with family and close friends together to witness this event. I am so grateful to all who were able to come and join us.

I am so proud of Jarren for making this decision to be baptized. He has had to grow up so much these past few months and come to learn a lot for himself. Jarren said a few days before being baptized that "By getting baptized I will be on the right path to seeing Jocelyn again one day". It just filled my heart.
Our family in our home just before leaving to go to the Church House.
John, Jarren and I after they are dressed and ready go. I love this picture with Christ in the background.
Jarren and I.
John and Jarren moments away.
Jarren all Ready looking like a young man. Wow I can not believe how the time flys.

After Jarren was Baptized we headed back home where we enjoyed a large family lunch to celebrate this special occasion.
Jarren with his Cake. Yes More Cake!!!
Some of the family just hanging out and relaxing!!! left to right: Grandma Jerri, Lacey a cousin, Natalie Sean's wife, Aunt June, and Sophia on the floor.
More family. Left to right top to bottom: Amie my cousin, Aunt Denise, My Mom, Tiffany my cousin, and Becky also my cousin.
John being silly in the Kitchen with my cousin Corrine and her youngest Ashlyn.
My brother Sean on the Left. Caught ya!!! Brooke on the right. There was lots and lots of food. Good times!!!
Awe!!! There is the rest of the kids. Of course they would all be down stairs playing the Wii.

It was such a beautiful day and my spirits were lifted that day. We are so grateful for such a loving and supportive family. I was so touched that day I could even feel Jocelyn's sweet spirit celebrating with us.

This Past Easter....

Well this year the weather was much colder and we were not able to have our annual neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt. But we managed to pull one together at Grandma and Grandpa's place. We are just so grateful to have been able to spend the Holiday with family. Things this year were nice and quite. And yes even the Easter Bunny stopped by our home.
The Easter Bunny brought everyone some yummy treats and new T shirts for the summer. He left a purple Chocolate Bunny for Jocelyn which we put on her headstone later that day.( I have pictures which I will post soon with a few other items in an update.)
Jarren in blue, Jacob in green, and Joseph in cream with dinosaurs running all around my parents back yard looking for the eggs that my dad and brother Sean hid for them.
The Three of them while my dad guides them to where the last few eggs are hiding.
Just making the final sweep with grandpa and uncle Sean holding Sophia.

Jarren Turns 8!!

Yes, I am behind....

Jarren turned 8 years old on March 7th. It is hard for me to believe that it has been 8 years since I gave birth to him. He has grown up so much and so fast. He is smart and loves his brothers and sister. He is always willing to help them with what ever they need, even when he gets a little bossy with them.

For his birthday we stayed home and had a party with a few of his good friends. We played games, decorated cup cakes and then opened presents. So as you can see we kept things simple.
Jarren with his friends playing the party version of Bop It. Which is fun and crazy. It is like a Simon says game.

All the yummy goodies that we used to decorate the cup cakes with.
Not sure what I was trying to get Jarren to do but I know that we are trying to sing Happy Birthday since the candle is lit on his cup cake.
Everyone enjoying the decorating of cup cakes and eating them. It was very enjoyable to watch everyone create something with their cupcakes.
Then of course the crazy mess that comes with opening presents. Thank You to everyone that came to celebrate Jarren's birthday. It was lots of fun!!! (Jacob of course had to be right there to see what he could steal and play with.)

You would think that once the kids are gone and the mess it cleaned up that the Birthday fun would be over...No we still have to party with Grandma and Grandpa. So the following day we went to my parents were we had more cake and presents.
The Cake that Grandma made!!
Yummy!!!
Singing Happy Birthday to the Birthday boy with Joseph patiently waiting for cake.
Jarren getting spoiled with more presents. Uncle Sean holding his sweet little girl Sophia, Who thinks she is going to get her hands on her cousin Jarren's wrapping paper.
There is my sweet Birthday Day Boy Jarren. Happy Birthday buddy!!!

Mother's Day For Mom's Who Have Lost.

The Concept Of Time From The Mind Of An 8 Year Old

Me: How are things going at school?

Jarren: ok mom

Me: Remember if you ever want or need to talk about Jocelyn let me know.

Jarren: ok mom....

***Short pause while I tuck him in bed for the night*****

Jarren: Mom...I have not been thinking about Jocelyn, because I have really been focusing on earning a purple card.

Me: That is ok. Jocelyn would like that.

Jarren: It does not mean I do not still love my sister. It just that she died a long time ago.

***tears welling in my eyes****

Me: I know that time is seems different for you and I know that you will always love your sister. It is still hard for me and your dad.

Jarren: I know mom. It is harder for the adults.

**I try not to laugh**

Me: It is harder for us.

Jarren: I love you mom and it is ok.

***We Hug and kiss each other good night***

One Three Year Old To Another

While standing in my bathroom this was the conversation I over heard between Joseph and his friend when sitting on my bed......

Carson: "Is that picture you?"

Joseph: "yes, do you see my brothers?"

Carson: "That is Jarren..."

Joseph: " .....and that is Jacob!" "look on the other side...."

Carson: " K, I like your picture".

Joseph: " See that one it is Jocelyn"

Joseph: " See Jocelyn!?"

Carson: " yay..."

A Short pause....

Joseph: " She died...Jocelyn is my sister".

Carson: "Oh? lets go down stairs"

Joseph: " Ok"

The sound of little feet to the basement they went.

The Pain

At times I think I am truly going crazy!! These last couple of days have been very difficult. I can not even begin to say how much we miss our little girl. The pain that I fill in my arms and chest are at times unbearable and there is no drug to make the pain go away. I have found myself waking from unsettled sleep wanting to go and dig into the ground just to hold her and feel her in my arms.

I am often asked or told the phrase "How hard this must be". I sometimes want to say" No, being laid off work and having no income is hard. This is excruciating and at times feel there is no end to it. Only wishing and praying for the pain to subside just enough to feel normal as though I am not facing this task of endurance". That is when I find myself asking Heavenly Father to just hold my hand so that I know I can do this and will endure this. I am then quickly reminded that He truly knows my pain for Heavenly Father felt the same pain when his only begotten son Jesus Christ died for each us and his sacrifice was not without pain or suffering.

When the moments are difficult to face and all I want to do is scream and to have someone hear me out without commenting back of sorrows or condolences or the things I already know and have great faith in. Just here me without saying a word knowing that I have been heard is of comfort and healing.

Thoughts

So I have been keeping a journal of thoughts and feelings over the last month and half about what our family's new normal what ever that may be at times. Most days we feel we are on a roller coaster of emotions from sadness, loneliness, joy , pleasure, peace, anger, and the list goes on..........

I have spent lots of time on my knees in prayer. I find myself thanking Heavenly Father for all my blessings and for my daughter even though she can not be with us physically. I do truly feel blessed. My heart is so full of gratitude for our family, friends, and ward members who have gone out of their way to be there in support of us. I can't even begin to express my thanks to everyone. For there are not enough words or ways to say Thank You!!! I love each and everyone who has been there for us.

A friend sent this to me and it really says it all. For I know that God has his reasons as to why he needed our sweet princess and only in his time will John and I come to know his full reasons.



I also have added to Get To Know Jocelyn in the right hand side bar if you would like to read and see added photos. I will continue to add to this over time as well.